Shaquille O’Neal scored 28,596 points in his illustrious 19-year NBA career. With a birthday of March 6, 1972, he was born 19,649 days ago, which means that for him to have pooped more than he’s scored, he’d need to average 1.46 poops per day. Given his size, appetite, and the frequency with which his former teammates tell stories of his scatological adventures, that seems a given.
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If you’re going to do something over 28,000 times in your life, you better love it. The good news for Shaq is that the man loves feces. Can’t get enough of it! Like anyone, he appreciates a quality toilet, but what really gets him going is surprising his friends and teammates with surprise turds when they least expect it.
In someone’s shoe or in their car, in the locker room or on the team bus, those close to Shaq have learned to expect the unexpected when it comes to what he’s going to do with what comes out of his butt.
Samaki Walker spent two seasons as Shaq’s teammate on the Lakers from 2001-03, and like most of the Big Diesel’s former teammates, he has a ring that wouldn’t have been possible without the dominant center’s contributions. That jewelry comes with a price, though. A poop price.
Walker stopped by Byron Scott’s Fast Break this past week, and part two of his conversation dropped this morning. As seems to be contractually obligated when talking about Shaq, one of the stories he told was lavatorious in nature.
“Dude was hilarious,” Walker said. “This was before practice, actually, where Phil [Jackson] get us to the center, and Phil give us a spiel about what’s going on today, whatever he tell us, and then he tell us to put our hands in there, and then he noticed, ‘Wait, where’s Shaq?’ Shaq ain’t there.”
“And just as he says that, Shaq comes running out of the locker room butt a** naked, got a string of toilet paper hanging out the back of his a**, and he gonna do a lap and then come and try to put his hands in there, then he runs right back in the locker room, and I’m like, ‘Yoooo, this dude is crazy!'” he added.
Looking back, it’s kind of incredible that Shaq and Kobe were able to co-exist for as long as they did. Kobe was maniacal in his preparation and singularly focused on greatness, while Shaq had otherworldly talent but was the class clown. Their three titles are a testament to how their greatness overcame their personality differences.
Walker ended up cool with Kobe eventually, but there was a lot of tension to get through after Kobe sucker-punched him over an unpaid bet. Shaq, on the other hand, befriended Walker right away and took him under his wing, which is a kindness he made sure to mention.
Shaq might love his crap, but he’s anything but a crappy teammate.
