The Twitter world can be a ridiculous place, and debate topics there tend to get insane. Who’s the GOAT, LeBron James or Michael Jordan? Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Would 100 random people be able to beat a gorilla? These are all real questions that real people ponder. Joining the millions of other wonderers was Shaquille O’Neal, who claimed that this last hypothetical was actually a lived experience for him.
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On an episode of Shaq’s The Big Podcast with special guest, musical artist Russell “Russ” Vitale, O’Neal offered up the question to spark a debate. Shaq called it “the stupidest s*** to ever go viral” before worrying about the state of a world that would allow something this dumb.
His cohost, Adam Lefkoe, suggested a twist. How many Shaqs would it take to beat a gorilla? Despite his often overconfident and boastful nature, Shaq had the only correct response.
“None, because Shaq already knows what the gorilla will do,” he answered, unwilling to take on the 7-foot, 400-pound death machine of an animal. “I’m leaving.”
While Russ offered a 100-person death squad of 20 Ben Wallaces, 20 Rasheed Wallaces and 60 prime Shaqs, O’Neal was not even willing to engage the conversation. Instead, he wanted to tell a personal story about his experiences with the massive apes to explain his answer.
“Every zoo that I’ve went to, the gorilla tries to f****** fight me,” said Shaq. While it is a ridiculous statement, and O’Neal was immediately called out for it, he tried to reach out to his star witness, but when they didn’t answer, Shaq told his zoological tale.
It started in Miami, where “the guys used to take me to the back and tell me ‘don’t look at the gorilla,’ but I looked at one gorilla and he came up to the wall and we were eye to eye … and he just went crazy. Then, he gave me a look like ‘hey man, where’s your fur at?'”
While Shaq didn’t tell any other stories about zoos in Cleveland, Boston, LA, Orlando, Phoenix or any of his other stops, that one experience was enough for him to remove himself from the “you need to fight a gorilla, who do you take?” chatter. Instead, he chose “anybody that’s on crack.”
Rounding out his team was anyone else stupid enough to even try to fight a gorilla. Only someone with impaired judgement would take that challenge because no one, absolutely no one, could make a dent in a gorilla, no matter how strong their punches may be.
