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“End The Madness”: Rick Ross Pleads with Jaylen Brown to Sort Out His Hair Situation

Samir Mehdi
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Jaylen Brown(L) and Rick Ross(R)

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Jaylen Brown has found himself in a bit of a bind these past few days. Aside from the fact that the Celtics roster is decimated with injuries and is currently 4-5 in a relatively tame Eastern Conference, they now have to deal with Brown’s hairspray rubbing off onto opposing players, much to Rick Ross’s chagrin. Oh dear.

Yes, the ‘allegations’ are true. Ever since Brown went back to the buzzcut after rocking braids for a couple years, he’s been struggling to maintain his hair. Is it a hairline problem? Is he thinning? Does he have the patented crop circle bald spot? We don’t know.

What we do know is that to counteract is faltering hairstyle, he’s been using seemingly cheap hairspray products à la Carlos Boozer. It’s led to the product rubbing off on various players’ jerseys and shorts during games.

Kyshawn George was Jaylen’s latest victim who looked around in disbelief after seeing his shirt ‘contract’ the fated black smudge. Of course, who could forget where it all started with OG Anunoby having to be the first to deal with this.

Seems as though this litany of victims has led to Rick Ross dropping in his two cents. “It’s time to end the madness,” pleaded Ross. “Whoever your barber is, tell ‘em to stop. Chill with the hair follicles.”

In all fairness, Brown doesn’t want this to happen. He’s not maniacally planning on rubbing his hairline spray onto defenders prior to a game.

He called LeBron James on stream after the OG incident, asking him for help. LBJ famously restored his hairline and his edges after nearly going bald through way of ‘widow’s peak’ while with Miami.

“Code red. They caught me slipping. I need to know: Turkey or no Turkey?” asked Brown to James while leaving him a voice message.

Kudos to Brown however. Even with the light-hearted badgering from the likes of Rick Ross and well, the entirety of NBA Twitter, he’s maintained his cool.

After the Kyshawn debacle, he took to X to say, “AI is getting out of hand,” sarcastically to let people know he knows what he’s doing. Will Brown fly to Turkey mid-season to sort out all of this tomfoolery? With Jayson Tatum out, it’s hard to believe he’ll have the time.

About the author

Samir Mehdi

Samir Mehdi

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Samir Mehdi is a senior strategist for the NBA division at The Sportsrush. Ever since he was 13 years old, he’s been obsessed with the game of basketball. From watching Kobe Bryant’s highlights on YouTube to now, analyzing and breaking down every single game on League Pass, Samir’s passion for the game is unwavering. He's a complete basketball junkie who not only breaks down current games but also keenly watches ones from the 60s’ and 70s’ while also reading comprehensive books on the history of the league. Samir’s life revolves around basketball and he hopes that shows in his work. Aside from work, he loves to spend time in the gym and with his friends at social gatherings.

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