Kendrick Perkins Recalls How a ‘Genitalia Drawing Prank’ Led to Teenagers Getting Caught for Breaking Into His Houston Home

Every once in a while a story comes along that takes you back to Seinfeld and one of the all-time great sitcom characters, George Costanza. ‘You know, we’re living in a society’ is still a very apt meme for whenever a person does something ridiculous with no regard for others.

The NBA is a reliable source for these kinds of ridiculous stories, and we got another one yesterday, courtesy of Kendrick Perkins on the Road Trippin’ podcast.

Perkins took it back to his one season playing with the New Orleans Pelicans near the end of his career. He was in the Big Easy and nobody was at his Houston home, and that’s when his wife got an unexpected phone call.

“My wife Vanity gets a phone call from my neighbor in Houston while we’re in New Orleans,” Perkins said. “And she’s all hysterical, she’s crying, she’s like, ‘We messed up really bad, my son messed up … he wrecked your car.”

Perkins came to find out that a 17-year-old kid that lived nearby had been using his house while he was out of town. “He had broke into my house through my backyard and went up through the pool closet, went up through the attic, came down, unlocked the door. He had been driving for about 10 months straight my mother-in-law’s car to school.”

The kid got caught because he and his girlfriend had just broken up, and her brother and cousins didn’t take kindly to it. “[They] beat him up. They bust out my mother-in-law’s windows and s***, they wrote on there the word ‘penis,’ drew a penis on there, he’s driving back home to come and park the car, and he gets stopped by the police.”

Personally, I think it was nice of the kids to provide a caption for their drawing, just in case the picture wasn’t clear enough. You know, we’re living in a society!

Once the kid’s mom came to pick him up from the police station, she became aware of everything that was going on, and she called Perkins’ wife.

After going through the house and checking the security footage, Big Perk realized that his empty house hadn’t been so empty at all. The kid was using it as his own personal party house, where he could drink, smoke and ride Perkins’ ATVs with impunity. Perkins’ championship ring that he won with the Boston Celtics in 2008 was missing, as was a shotgun.

Seven kids ended up having to pay about $10,000 restitution apiece for what they’d done, but at least Perk got a great story to tell.