“That German Cooked Your A**”: Udonis Haslem Reveals Hilarious Reason He Guarded Dirk Nowitzki So Hard

When the Miami Heat retired Udonis Haslem’s jersey, they were met with some ridicule. But only Heat fans know just what UD meant to the team and the culture of the franchise. Having stayed in South Beach for his whole career, he’s a bona fide Heat legend. Even in their lowest moments, Haslem always provided some bright sparks.

One such low moment was the 2011 NBA Finals, when the Heat Big 3 failed to get them over the line. Dirk Nowitzki led the Mavericks to win their maiden NBA title. The talk of the town was LeBron James’ failure to perform on the big stage. Haslem’s elite defense on Dirk went relatively unnoticed. Sure, the Mavericks legend averaged 26 PPG that series, but Haslem did not make life easy for him.

While discussing defense with Tony Allen on the OGs podcast, Haslem claimed that he always took pride in guarding star players, but not for reasons one might expect. He joked that the friends he grew up with would’ve mocked him if he got cooked by anyone. This gave him extra motivation to lock down the opposing team’s best player.

While mentioning the 2011 Finals, he said, “I don’t know about TA, but my hood gon let me know if I get fried. ‘Cos your homeboys gon let you know! I tell people the part of the reason I played so hard against Dirk, ‘cos if I didn’t, ‘Ay boy that German cooked your a**.’ That’s the first call I’m gonna get!”

He went on to joke that not only did he play for the win, and the overall betterment of the team, but also for pride with his childhood friends. The Heat legend didn’t want to be the butt of a joke if he was on the receiving end of a highlight play.

Of course, Dirk himself also acknowledged that Haslem’s defense on him in that series was almost smothering. When speaking to ESPN after losing Game 3, Nowtizki shouted out Haslem. The Mavs legend added that the Heat missed him in the first 2 games.

“He’s one of the best defenders we have at the power forward spot,” Nowitzki said of Haslem, who had missed the bulk of that season with a foot injury. “He’s active. To me, it really hurt them him being out for so long. He’s back in time. He’s kind of a glue guy. He does all the little things. He sets screens, he does all the dirty work. He’s a good rebounder. He’s great in pick-and-rolls, showing. He does all the little things, and they got him right back in time.”

Dirk’s praise for Haslem’s skills is one thing. But it takes a different tone when you find out that he attempted to recruit him before the 2011 season began. Haslem had entered free agency, and Dirk, having faced him in the 2006 Finals, knew he was a problem.

Before Game 4 of the 2011 Finals, Dirk said, “We would have loved to have him. Unfortunately, obviously, he stayed there. I guess a good move on his part.” In the end, Haslem’s defense didn’t end up being that much of an issue for Dirk, as he and the Mavs went on to wrap up the series in 6 games.