Ryan Clark Talks About the 5 Crucial Lessons He’s Learned From 26 Years of Fatherhood

Ryan Clark has always been thoughtful when reflecting on his life experiences, but none mean more to him than being a father.

For this year’s Father’s Day, Clark took a different approach than most. Instead of gushing about his own father or sharing a heartfelt message like Tom Brady, the NFL veteran decided to drop some knowledge about raising kids. So, listen up, dads; here are five things you need to remember when raising a child.

Fight for your kids

Firstly, Clark talked about how it’s important to fight for your kids. Not just in a literal sense, standing up for them when they’re being wronged, but also in a figurative way by staying involved in their lives.

“If you’re not married to the mother, fight to be in their lives. Fight for the opportunity to love them. Fight for the chance to be present, fight fights that they can’t fight. The ones that they’re not big enough to fight. The ones that their voices aren’t loud enough to fight,” Clark said on The Pivot Podcast. 

At the same time, though, Clark wants to remind fathers that sometimes you need to fight against what your kids want, because they may be too young to know right from wrong.

“And sometimes, you actually gotta fight them. There will be some things that they want because of your love, experience, care; you know those things aren’t the right things. And you have to be willing to say I love you so much, but I can’t let you do that,” he added.

All fathers have been there at one time or another, whether it’s a toy they won’t buy at the store or an ice cream that gets taken away for bad behavior. It’s important to teach kids that they can’t have or do whatever they want. They may not understand in the moment, but they will in time.

Show up

Secondly, Clark says that fathers need to show up and be present for all the moments throughout their kids’ lives. It’s perhaps the most important piece of advice for some.

“Be present for those moments of success. Those moments of happiness, those moments of joy. Those moments of accomplishment. Because they will remember that you’re there,” Clark said.

Some kids end up remembering their fathers’ presence during important life moments for the rest of their lives. Milestones like a graduation, birthday, or first car are all significant experiences fathers should share with their children. These are core memories that stay with them.

But it’s not just the good times where Clark says fathers need to be present.

“Also, be present for the hard stuff. Be present for the tears, for the failures, for the hard times. Because they’re going to remember that too.”

It’s an important reminder because pain can form deep bonds. When a kid is going through a tough time, that is sometimes the most important time for a father to step in and help. 

Listen to them

Thirdly, it should go without saying, but Clark says that fathers need to listen to their kids. Simple advice that can oftentimes go overlooked.

“So many times, as parents, we sit around and we say things like, ‘I don’t know what she’s thinking.’ Or, ‘I don’t know what he’s doing.’ Well, you would if you listened,” Clark said.

It’s a sentiment that has grown increasingly popular over the years. Especially with the introduction of social media and technology, some fathers really struggle to listen and relate to what their kids talk about. This can lead to a divisive relationship.

So, if you don’t understand what your kid likes, indulge them for a bit. You might find that you enjoy it too. After all, you’re directly related to the person who’s showing it to you — there must be some common genetic reason why it piqued their interest.

Let them

Penultimately, Clark believes that fathers need to let their kids do things, even when they aren’t sure it’s the right thing to do. Whether it’s about safety or something else, fathers need to set aside their fears and let their kids experience life.

“When I say let them, it’s kind of the hardest thing to do because you love them so much. They’re going to do something that you’re not going to think is right, and you think it could be hard or it could hurt them or it could hurt you. So, you don’t allow them to do it,” Clark said.

It’s great advice that some fathers struggle with. It’s hard not to constantly coddle the human you raised like a pet. But you have to, if you want them to grow up and mature.

“Sometimes you gotta let go of control, you gotta let loose of the hug, of the hold. And say, ‘Hey, I trust you. I love you.’ And sometimes, they’re going to go off and do this thing they want to do and say this thing they want to say, and they’re going to realize they were deada** wrong.”

It’s like all teachers say in school: it’s okay to raise your hand and answer incorrectly. We all learn things through failure. That’s something that sports and life in general teach us all in time.

Treat their mothers correctly

Lastly, Clark wants all fathers to remember to treat the mother of their child with the utmost respect, regardless of whether they’re together or not.

“No matter what their place is in your life, treat her the best you can and the best way you should for who she is to you. Most importantly, who she is to them. Talk about her with kindness. Speak about her with love. Show her respect. Make sure that throughout her life, you’re doing everything you possibly can for her to be able to take care of those kids,” Clark said.

Kids definitely remember how much respect their dads have for their mothers. Sadly, with the wrong perspective and upbringing, some young men can become extremely sexist without even knowing it. That’s why fathers need to set an example from the beginning. 

All in all, it’s a lot of advice and knowledge that Clark dropped. But it’s all super important to keep in mind. Especially for new fathers out there who are struggling, don’t know what they’re doing. Look no further than Clark and this clip to learn about the correct way to raise a kid.